Print two copies.
Kill two birds with one stone: your sweetheart and your mistress.
(It's a figure of speech, folks. I'm not saying to murder anyone! That's not what this upcoming holiday is about... wait a minute, St. Valentine was beheaded, so perhaps I should rephrase this a bit: While that IS what this holiday is about, we don't talk about such things in our highly evolved society. Instead, we mass-produce drivel and tell everyone, "Love you! xoxo...")
All drivel, however, is not created equal.
This Valentine is better than most because it goes beyond the usual sappy puns and employs a more complex (and honest) drama--a heart-wrenching love triangle!
SHE WITH THE BLUE SASH
(feigning strength)
Winthrop, Winthrop! Look at me Winthrop!
You say I'm your true Valentine, yet I see you
gaze with deliberate intent upon the bustle
of that golden gowned wench!
WINTHROP
Don't doubt my love just because I'm...
(with groping eyes)
Wow! What was I saying?
SHE WITH THE BLUE SASH
Winthrop!
WINTHROP
Cupid made me do it!
I cannot go on. This seemingly innocent holiday greeting is drudging up too many issues for me...
