Matchmakers and Health Coverage

Dear Nona,

I need to start dating, but with work and the demands of surviving as a single, I have no time. Help!

(And please don't tell me to join a dating website. Who has time, or the stomach, to sort through all the... well, you know)

Dying Alone, 

Miss Anonymous 

Dear Dying for Coverage,

Unfortunately, I do know. I can't tell you how many pleas for help I receive exactly like yours! It's an epidemic.

It all comes down to public policy.

If we are to have truly female-friendly comprehensive health plans, specialists who provide Matchmaking services need to be covered! The only reason they aren't is that we have been letting men run the system for too long, and considering how wimpy men have become about taking any initiative to form healthy relationships, I think that is a huge mistake.

Call your state representatives and demand reform.

Truly,
Nona

💘 

Feel free to add your own requests for advice in the comments below. 

Sky Rockets in Flight

4th of July stream of consciousness mantra 

[to be read aloud to your cats when they get spooked by the fireworks and jump in the carton of ice cream you are consuming, alone]

Today we celebrate freedom.

We have lots of freedom, but not the freedom to infringe upon the freedom of others. That means you can't make a man love you against his will. Voodoo is unethical -- and un-American -- and restraining orders are obtainable, even on holidays in extreme circumstances.

But back to freedom...

Let freedom ring!!!

[sob, sob]

You see? You see? That's why I hate holidays!


They all conspire against single women.

"Let freedom Ring."

Ring?

Why couldn't they choose a different word?!! Yet another cruel holiday. Reminding me of my empty ring finger and the freedom I have... to be alone.

At least I don't have to share this ice cream.

What are you looking at, Whiskers? You know dairy gives you gas, and since you are going to be the only one in bed with me tonight, I must....

This is sad. Perhaps there are better 4th of July traditions we can focus on -- other than letting freedom... clang.

How about fireworks?

Well, shoot!

Not only was there no Afternoon Delight for me, but I get to spend the night in bed with a lactose-intolerant cat who has been double-dipping in my coping mechanism.

Happy FALL ~ Time to Autumn in Love?

Happy Fall!!!

Speaking of Fall, I know what you’re all thinking: Why can’t we stop using that term for a season that comes around every blasted year and reminds us of what we lack?!!

“Autumn” is so much nicer. It doesn’t remind us of our relationship statuses (or would that be statusi?) Autumn is pleasant because it avoids ambiguity. There is no noun/verb confusion:

Nobody Autumns in Love.

Speaking of the verb, why do people “fall” in love anyway? 

Falling seldom has a positive connotation. We think of skinned knees, getting tripped up and snagged in traps, of lost respect, the human race doomed to deception and eternal darkness... and love???

That brings to mind some of the online infomercials for programs that promise to teach women how to make any man fall hopelessly, head-over-heels in love--so much so that he will follow her around like a stupefied puppy, hanging on her every word and every move and every breath, ready to do ANYTHING she asks like a hypnotized robot honed in on a magnetic tracking device embedded in her heart. These programs have many names, but I can’t help thinking the best name of all would be “How to Train Your Stalker.” [I’ll add that to my “books to write” queue. Look for it in the near future.]

Now, I'd like to ask you to help me help more people. Become part of a movement... 

If you have any friends who are longing to FALL IN LOVE, please invite them to “friend” me, too. 

Together we can make this a season of realism in which we refuse to ignore our skinned knees, allowing the wounds to fester and become infected. 

xoxo,

Nona

PS. I apologize for asking, but please like and comment on each post in order to increase audience  engagement which increases visibility. (Which has the unfortunate side effect of reminding me of my own invisibility and lack of an engagement ring.)